WARNING.

MISS EAST, today.

Partly cloudy in the morning then becoming cloudy with occasional rain and a rumble or two of thunder later in the day. possibly a thunderstorm during the evening, then some lingering showers still possible overnight.

lately...

i have been doing a lot of thinking and less gloating.

i am finding it easy to let go of just about anything - a person, a grudge, an obsession...

i'm getting scared of not being able to know how to hold on to what really matters

and even more scared of not being able to know who really matters

i am getting more comfortable in my own skin which is even more scary than not knowing what to do and being tacky and not knowing which fork to use...

i don't even get jealous of happy couples anymore

i find selling over-priced roses on valentines day better than finding a date

i have found myself too many times thinking of trying all the things i didn't even deem worth my time or my presence

i am starting not to care

but i AM also starting to care.

have i turned jaded? have i totally convinced myself i AM really invincible? or am i really getting old?

i went to bed 19 and woke up 35. kafkaish.

she IS stargirl..

she takes from the sun...
but gives to the moon...

sometimes, i wish THIS is what busy really looks like. i have been working my ass really hard these past few weeks. not that i am complaining 'cause i have never felt more comfortable in a workplace in my six years of being an overworked/underpaid ant. any given day is being spent (not-so-well) on getting enough shuteye, meeting deadlines and meeting up with friends who are leaving soon. and with my whoreish tendencies (read: wearing a shirt masquerading as a dress, sequins and leathers and feathers and really skimpy shorts/skirts) trying to look a wee bit presentable in the corporate world everysingleday is HARDWORK. now, you don't put 50 girls under one roof and expect them to not be critical with just about anything, do you? girls are such wonderful creatures -- we judge each other not with our IQs but with how far we can actually walk-run in 5 inch stilettos without losing our sanity. sometimes i wish sneakers could make my legs look longer. i'd be a happier soul. but then again, maybe not. i wore heels in a PE class one time and was excused from the ballgame and got a 1.25 final grade to boot.
so, what am i exactly whining about? i just wish the days were longer and the nights cooler. maybe by then i could be under the sun longer or be howling at the moon and not worry about not getting enough sleep. because of all the things i love, sleeping tops the list.